Good manners create a positive impression on clients and colleagues, while poor manners can harm your image, lead to embarrassment and even scupper a business deal. If you need to brush up on your table etiquette (and frankly, who doesn’t?), here are our top suggestions.
Does the thought of a business lunch terrify you — even just a little bit? Do you have visions of making an etiquette faux pas while dining at your biggest client’s charity event? Does a well-set table look more like an obstacle course than a relationship-building arena?
The good news is that when it comes to table etiquette, old-fashioned manners and common sense still rule. As for other, stickier dining situations, we’ve consulted PJ McGuire, a modern etiquette expert, and our own dining adventures and misadventures.
Etiquette Dos and Don’ts If You’re Hosting a Business Dinner
- Arrive at the restaurant early to ensure your table is ready. Work out a seating arrangement in advance with an eye toward optimal conversation, for example, seating a chatty guest next to a shyer one. Also try for an even number of guests to avoid the possibility of one person being left out if intimate one-to-one conversations pop up.
- Give your credit card to the host or waiter in advance and ask them to hold the bill until after the meal. Handle payment discreetly and be familiar with service charges, automatic gratuities and local tipping norms. Avoid turning checkout into a group discussion.
- If you are on a budget, one way to let your guests know the “limits of your hospitality” is by suggesting menu items. If, for example, you recommend the chicken, a good guest will follow your lead and order in a similar price range. But if you suggest the lobster or the Kobe beef, you are signaling that the sky is the limit. Regardless of budget, order thoughtfully to avoid waste and don’t over-order “for show.”
- Choose wines in advance — both a red and a white. This keeps things moving smoothly and eliminates the possibility that a guest will order that bottle of ‘98 Petrus.
- Normalize non-alcoholic options. In addition to sparkling water and the traditional soda and lime options, many restaurants offer spirit-free cocktail options. Consider choosing a special non-alcoholic cocktail ahead of time. This way, the waitstaff can offer red, white, or a special mocktail.
- Confirm dietary restrictions and accessibility. Consider diet, cultural or religious needs and accessibility needs (seating, noise, lighting) when choosing a venue.
- Keep a half-dozen conversation starters in your back pocket. As the host, you need to make everyone at the table comfortable.
Etiquette If You’re a Guest at a Business Dinner
- Take your cues from the host.
- Don’t order messy food. That means staying away from ribs, crab claws, spaghetti, even burgers and sandwiches. If you want pasta, order penne, fusilli or another type that is easy to eat.
- If you need to use the bathroom, simply excuse yourself. There’s no need to tell people where you are going. Timing-wise, it is best to get up after a course is served. Otherwise, the servers will hold the food until everyone is seated, and you will interrupt the flow of the meal.
- If you leave the table, place your napkin on the seat of the chair, not the table.
- Try to eat at the same pace as everyone at the table. A too-fast or too-slow eater can interfere with the rhythm of the meal.
- For health and hygiene, be sure to wash or sanitize your hands before dining. Also avoid double-dipping, and stay home if you’re unwell — showing up sick is inconsiderate.
- Don’t move or stack plates in an effort to help the staff clear the table. You’re more likely to disrupt service. To signal you are finished eating, you can place your utensils on your plate in the 4 o’clock position, or place your napkin to the right of your plate (not on the plate).
- It’s always acceptable not to drink alcohol. If you do, keep it moderate.
Potentially Sticky Situations
- An overindulged guest. If you are the host, quietly ask the server to cut them off. “This puts it on the server,” says McGuire, “and takes the heat off of you while still ensuring that you remain in charge of the table.”
- Spilled wine. Pick the glass up quickly, then get the server’s attention. If you only spilled on yourself, go off to the bathroom to clean up as best you can. If you spilled on someone else, apologize and offer to pay for dry cleaning. “No one ever takes you up on it,” says McGuire, “but it is the right thing to do.” Tip:
- Food allergies. If you are the host, it is appropriate to ask your guests in advance if there are any foods they cannot eat, and then choose a restaurant and menu accordingly. This also avoids the embarrassment of bringing a vegetarian to a steakhouse. If you are a guest, it is your responsibility to inform the host of your food limitations when you RSVP. If that is not possible, talk with the host as soon as you arrive so the restaurant can make other arrangements for you.
- Photos and social media. Ask permission before photographing people or posting. Avoid images that reveal confidential information (such as documents, name tags or venue details), and prioritize conversation over content.
- A dropped fork or napkin. Do not scramble to pick up items you drop on the floor — it’s not sanitary or worth creating a disturbance. Most trained servers will notice and replace your utensils and napkins quickly. If not, discreetly catch their eye and ask for replacements.
Common Dining Etiquette Questions Answered
As attorney Theda Snyder reminds us, “Most of us didn’t have childhoods with meals accompanied by an array of silverware or a plate for every purpose … and considerations of table etiquette seem irrelevant to the microwave burrito you eat at your desk.” But lack of a princely upbringing doesn’t excuse poor manners as an adult. To that end, here are some common table etiquette questions answered.
When to start eating? If it is a cold dish, wait until everyone has been served. If it is a hot dish, it is OK to start eating when the people nearest to you have been served. The latter also holds true at longer banquet-style tables — if the person on either side of you has also been served, you can start eating.
What’s one of the worst things you can do? Never, ever blow your nose at the table. Enough said.
What’s a common faux pas at a formally set dining table? Taking your neighbor’s bread plate. Remember, bread plates are on the left, glasses on the right. When passing bread, offer the basket to your neighbor on the left before passing to the right. Got that?
What’s the current etiquette for devices and checking messages? Keep phones off the table and notifications muted. Do not check messages during the meal. If you’re expecting an urgent call, explain upfront; take it away from the table and turn the phone off when you return. If you must check messages, excuse yourself once to a private spot. Prioritize face-to-face conversation.
When is it appropriate to start talking business? If it is a designated “working lunch” and everyone knows it, start immediately. But if it is simply a meal with business colleagues, the rule of thumb is to wait until after finishing the main course.
Are thank-you notes necessary? Absolutely! In today’s more informal climate, a handwritten note stands out and helps people remember you. You may want to send a quick email immediately after the event, followed by a handwritten note. This applies to both guests and hosts.
So don’t panic. Whether your parents taught you the rules or you are learning them along the way, view social settings as an opportunity to demonstrate your professionalism and excellent table manners.
Updated and adapted from a previous interview between PJ McGuire and Mary Ellen Sullivan.
