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Client Relations

Calming Down an Angry Client

By Merrilyn Astin Tarlton

Calming Down an Angry Client

As much as we like to believe that, if we do everything well, our client will always love us it’s just not true.

You know the scenario. It’s the end of the day. The phone rings and you pick it up knowing you really shouldn’t. You should just let it go to voicemail, pack up your laptop, and go home.

“What the bleep is this?”

“What the bleep is this?” are the first words you hear. It’s your angry client. The one for whom you’ve worked like a dog, around the clock, for the past two weeks. It seems this month’s bill has arrived and he’s in flames! Now what?

First, Just Breathe. Then Try Not to:

  1. Argue with him about it
  2. Tell him it is someone else’s fault
  3. Ask him to call you back tomorrow
  4. Hang up on him

Sometimes that lawyer training works exactly against you when you are confronted by a client. (Or your spouse, your assistant, a cab driver, the cable repair guy . . . . ) These are not situations to be won or lost. You can claim success when you calm the client and neutralize the conflict.

So, after taking that breath, ask yourself what the client wants. You’ve been angry about a service provider’s performance before. What did you want?

It’s One or More of a Fairly Standard List:

  1. To be listened to
  2. To be treated with respect
  3. To be taken seriously
  4. Immediate response
  5. To make sure it doesn’t happen again
  6. To avoid blame from someone else in your organization

Research has shown that first impressions are made up of 55 percent visual cues (body language), 38 percent vocal (tone of voice), and only 7 percent verbal (words.) One expert estimates that the percentages shift significantly when you communicate over the phone to 82 percent vocal and 18 percent verbal. So when you respond to your client, it is critical to modulate your voice to communicate concern, patience, and caring. And choose your words to convey that you are informed and respectful. It is an old but proven speaker’s trick to deepen your voice a bit. Lower voices are perceived as being more mature and in control.

Nearly everyone has an inner child who shows up when we’re angry. Anyone who has parented a toddler knows that rule one is to remain calm. People feel out of control and a little unsafe when in mid-tantrum. If you can maintain your calm, control the situation, and guide both of you to a good solution, your client will relax.

Here are the basic steps to take:

  • Express empathy (I can tell how upset it made you)
  • Get clarification of the problem (ask gentle fact-finding questions)
  • Apologize (even if you are not in the wrong)
  • State that you want to help
  • Probe for more information
  • Repeat his concern back to him to make sure you understand (and so that he feels “heard.”)
  • Show you value him as a client
  • Explain possible options for resolution and ask what he’d like to have happen
  • Summarize the actions you agree to (yours and his)
  • End pleasantly

If you have kept your head and created an agreement about the resolution of the issue, then congratulations. You win!

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Categories: Client Service, Communications Skills, Relationships
Originally published July 15, 2020
Last updated July 31, 2020
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Merrilyn Astin Tarlton

Merrilyn is the author of “Getting Clients: For Lawyers Starting Out or Starting Over.” She has been helping lawyers and law firms think differently about the business of practicing law since 1984. She is a founding member of the Legal Marketing Association, an LMA Hall of Fame inductee, and a past President of the College of Law Practice Management. Merrilyn was a founding partner of Attorney at Work. Learn more about Merrilyn here and follow her @astintarlton.

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