Five tips for staying cool when everyone is staring at your face.
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Because it’s pretty bad. Half the time you’re onscreen, it looks like your frame is frozen. Because you are frozen with fear of Zoom. And hey, listen, even though you may feel ridiculous, the fear is real. If you dread clicking into a work chat, you’re not alone.
Oh, No: It’s Happening Again
You’re sitting at your kitchen table, staring at your laptop screen. Your finger hovers over the return key, poised to launch another Zoom meeting where you will face a wall of faces, like a Hollywood Squares of the living dead. You hate this. You feel like a bag of anemic squirrels. You look like somebody dragged you backward through a hedgerow. Your Zoom anxiety is raging.
This is not how you like to start your remote work morning. No, your day starts with petting your dog, then coffee, and then you stare out the window for a while before cracking open Teams and making a bunch of snarky remarks in the chatroom. All this while wearing the same baggy pants you wore yesterday and the day before, matched perfectly by your Sad Keanu t-shirt, emblazoned with a caramel-colored constellation of coffee stains. That’s how.
But not today. Today is a mandatory meeting day. Four hours of “wah wah wah,” which you have to pay attention to because, despite the meeting captain’s lackluster delivery style and ridiculous slides, it’s actually important.
The Whole Zoom Phenom Is Weird, Right?
First of all, the people. So many people. When, in real life, are you ever in a room with 14 people? But there you are, in your goin’ to a meetin’ best, trying not to look like a lunatic, unable to tear your eyes away from your own face (which also doesn’t happen in real life).
It’s so strange. You can’t pay attention to the meeting captain because there’s a tiny square on the bottom left containing Bob from the litigation team. Bob hasn’t moved or changed his expression since this circus started, which is weird because his cat just walked across the background, so he’s not frozen.
The worst part is before the meeting even starts. You are waiting for Jenkins to log in, and it’s just you and the team staring out of the screen at each other in a frozen rictus of nerves. Nobody talks because you all know this thing is being recorded, so whatever stupid ice-breaking thing you say will be preserved for all eternity. And Bob still hasn’t moved.
Weird.
Zoom Anxiety Is Real
You don’t have to have an anxiety disorder to experience Zoom fear, but according to Psych Central, it can cause symptoms very similar to regular old everyday anxiety. Symptoms such as:
- Being nervous and uneasy during meetings
- Afraid to speak up
- Forgetful, like you’re experiencing stage fright
- Stressed or less productive leading up to the meeting
So, if you dread clicking into a work chat, you’re not alone. There’s something about virtual meetings that makes everybody feel a little shook.
But Why?
Zoom slams stress buttons like it was designed for it.
- Don’t like public speaking? Too bad.
- Hate small talk? “How’s the weather over there, bud?”
- Do you hate being seen? Nice hair.
- Hate seeing yourself? NICE HAIR.
- Can’t handle a full Hollywood Squares of social cues? “I’ll take PLEASE MAKE IT STOP for $20, Don.”
First, all the small talk.
At least for the first couple of seconds, while everyone is entering. And Maurice the loud breather is (again) not understanding how to read his chat messages, which all read “TURN OFF YOUR MIC.”
During that stressy time, every single person in every single square is wondering:
- Who’s going to talk first?
- Am I supposed to say something?
- Why is Marsha staring at me?
- Why is “The Brady Bunch” theme song running through my head?
Then it happens. Greg leans into his mic and says, “Hey, Peter, how’s it going over there in IT?” And it’s on. Jan chimes in with, “Yeah, Peter, how IS it going?” Because Jan likes to stir it up. Before you can respond, Marcia says Peter’s been doing fantastic work in his group, Greg. Then Danny rolls his eyes, and Cindy turns off her camera.
What does it all mean? What are you supposed to SAY?
Second, so many faces.
Everyone is on an equal plane, which is unnatural when you think about it. Never in real life are you confronted by a perfectly blocked grid of faces, but in Zoom, you are. And they’re all well lit and clear, and in 4K, and you have to look at them, which is weird because they can see you looking. And worse, you can see them looking, and even though the math of determining if they are looking at you is more complicated than calculating the relative position of all the grains of sand on Mars, you’re trying.
Worse than worse: there, dead center, is your own face, and now you have to confront yourself not as you appear in your morning mirror or the rearview, but as others see you. IS THAT HOW I PART MY HAIR? DOES IT ALWAYS LOOK LIKE THAT!? IS MY NOSE SWOLLEN? HOW DO I HIDE MY TEETH?
Third, the problems.
The meeting starts, and everything is fine. You’ve introduced yourself — even though you’ve worked with these knuckleheads for nine months, the meeting boss insists on introductions every single time. Whatevs. And you nailed it: pithy comment, sagacious bullet points on your project, witty comment on the way out. Brilliant.
Then comes the parade of problems keeping you from paying attention. Your ADHD goes into overdrive like it’s had 13 cups of coffee and didn’t sleep for a week. You hyperfocus on one guy’s tie. First, why is he wearing a tie? Wait, were we supposed to dress up for this? Then, as you are staring at his wildly colorful tie, he does the unthinkable: he picks his nose. On camera. You are both flabbered and ghasted, and your face shows it — because just as your eyes widen as far as they will go, the meeting boss calls on you to comment, and as you try to gather yourself, everyone freezes.
It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way
I mean, yes, you have to be in Teams or Zoom five times a day, but you don’t have to freak out about it. There are tricks, tips, and proven hacks for tuning your Zoom doom way down into the manageable end of the spectrum.
5 Tried and Tested Tips for Tempering Your Terror
Following is a list of actionable techniques to make you less scared of Zoom. You can conquer this fear of Zoom — or a little bit of it — today.
But first, do this:
Get ready.
Your space and your tech are important. Before you join a call, check all your equipment and do a quick scan of your background. Check your attire, check your hair, and set up your desktop (the actual desktop) the way you like it. That way, you have everything ready when you click into the meeting and won’t have to scramble to figure out why your mic’s off or shoo your cat.
Technique No. 1: Be Mindful of Mindfulness
Mindfulness has been a buzzword since before you were playing Zelda at your grandma’s house. In the last 10 years, it has exploded into its own industry with books, websites, and expensive programs, all aiming to help you pay attention to the now. But it was born from Buddhism and is not quite so commodified there. You don’t need an expensive Udemy course to learn how to do it. You can experience mindfulness right here, right now, by following this simple instruction: focus on your senses to bring yourself to full attention in the present.
Of course, if you’re in Teams, you can’t exactly meditate; you’ll look like a psycho. What you can do is this:
- Mentally itemize your senses and what they’re doing while you’re staring into your camera.
- What are your feet feeling?
- What are your fingers feeling?
- What do you smell?
- Pay attention as you breathe in and breathe out
- Notice how you’re in the moment, fully there and present?
- Now train that focus on the meeting.
Technique No. 2: Doodle
Stay with me here. Doodling is proven to drain off that minuscule vibrating film of inattention by giving part of your mind a thing to do that doesn’t require it to pay attention. It’s weird, but by focusing the smallest bit of attention on drawing shapes and squiggles on a scrap piece of paper, your greater attention will be available for the information presented in your meeting.
Science has your back on this. Doodling has been shown to improve overall comprehension and recollection of information. And look, no one can see that you’re drawing cute little bunnies. They think you’re taking notes.
Technique No. 3: Take Notes
Don’t worry too much about your note-taking technique. You don’t have to use the Cornell method for this to work. There’s no test. What we’re doing here is similar to doodling: you’re using a hack to keep from zoning out. Taking notes means you’re actively listening to the meeting. It will keep you focused on the information and conversations and keep you present.
Technique No. 4: Use the Chat Feature to Boost Someone Else’s Confidence
Send a quick note to Brad after he presents his take on precedent. “Nice work, Brad. Thumbs way up.” It only takes a second. It’s a super nice thing to do. It builds the team. But most of all, there is a strange effect that will affect your confidence and anxiety. Your small gesture to Brad, weirdly, makes you feel grateful. And feeling grateful will knock your fear of Zoom right out the tiny window it was trying to occupy.
Technique No. 5: Be good to yourself.
You’re probably gonna make some gaff. Everyone does, and eventually, it’ll be your turn. Then all this fear of Zoom stuff won’t matter because you will have done the thing you’re most scared of, which is good. Once you screw up and realize nobody cares, your future fear of Zoom will fade out like you clicked leave meeting.
Try these techniques in your next Zoom call. In the comments below, let us know if they helped you with your fear of Zoom.
Image © iStockPhoto.com.
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