Our kids’ genuine curiosity allows them to dive into “tough conversations” that most adults find uncomfortable. Julia Livingston makes the case for reigniting our curiosity and suggests a few non-awkward ways to approach differences.
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As I navigate the school year with my three children, I am reminded of an experience my daughter had in the sixth grade.
She was new to the bus and sat beside a girl who was sitting alone. The girl’s skin was brown, and she wore a hijab. The girls started talking, sharing details about their families, popular culture and music preferences.
When my daughter (who is multiracial with African American, Caucasian, Greek, and Native American heritage) asked about her seatmate’s background, she explained why she wore the hijab and discussed her family’s religious and cultural habits. She also said she was feeling excluded by her classmates, which made her sad.
When my daughter told me this story at dinner, I was touched by her curious inquiries.
Observing the way people interact with each other has been an integral part of my career, first as Director of Development for an educational nonprofit, as Executive Director of Macon County (Illinois) Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA), and now as Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Manager at the Illinois Supreme Court Commission on Professionalism. In my personal and professional life, I have come to appreciate how much I learn from children and the ways I can apply these lessons in the workplace.
As parents and educators, we aim to impart wisdom to our children. However, they have a lot to teach us too, especially when approaching differences.
How does this apply to the legal profession?
Genuine Curiosity Ignites Conversation
We have countless opportunities to interact with people who are different from us each day. In fact, if you were paired at random with another American, there is a 61.1% chance that they will be of a different race or ethnicity than you.
While we are all born curious, research has found that it can decrease as we age, depriving adults of some of its “invaluable” benefits, including improved cognitive function, confidence, and enhanced critical thinking.
For my daughter, interacting with someone different was not awkward or unnatural, she was just curious. She saw something as basic as seat choice as an opportunity to learn something new and did not harbor the fear of sounding uninformed or offensive, something we can struggle with as adults.
For lawyers, curiosity is essential for connecting with clients (and potential clients) and colleagues. It is a way to seek new perspectives and viewpoints. And through that authentic curiosity, lawyers can best determine a client’s needs. There is often no better way to understand another person’s perspective than to hear it directly from them.
As Dr. Leon F. Seltzer, an author and retired clinical psychologist, wrote in Psychology Today, “When we are curious about others, we ask more questions and show more concern, which in turn leads us to go beyond small talk and establish more rewarding, lasting relationships.”
Curiosity also encourages lawyers to consider trying new — and potentially better — ways of delivering legal services, helping people’s minds “work more logically and efficiently,” Seltzer writes.
Seltzer also notes the link between curiosity and happiness, as it can enable us to “experience satisfaction, contentment, wonder, and joy” daily.
Curiosity Can Boost Cultural Competence
Cultural competence refers to the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral skills that lead to appropriate and effective communication with people of other cultures.
In my daughter’s bus example, she asked questions about her seatmate’s hijab and her cultural and religious dietary habits. Her seatmate was open to sharing, so my daughter left this conversation more informed.
For lawyers, developing cultural competence helps you understand the cultural context of clients and colleagues, build trust, and provide effective representation or collaboration.
During an ABA TECHSHOW conference session, speakers discussing cultural competency asked the audience how they would react if, when meeting a new client, the client did not make eye contact or avoided shaking their hand. Would they view this behavior as a sign of weakness, insecurity, or even disrespect? Or would they stop and consider the potential cultural significance of their actions?
When cultures collide, it is important to stop and think if the way you interpret a situation is the only way it can be interpreted, said speaker Nkoyo-Ene Effiong Lewis, Director of the Law Practice Management Program for the State Bar of Georgia.
Increasing cultural competency can also help you serve clients from backgrounds that differ from those you traditionally serve.
Not sure how to start? Consider questions like:
- I want to be respectful of your preferences, needs, and culture. Would you mind sharing anything you feel is important for me to know?
- Would having access to an American Sign Language interpreter during our meetings be beneficial?
- What is the best way for me to share legal paperwork with you so you can easily navigate it?
A Growth Mindset Breeds Inclusion
While children sometimes struggle with thinking outside of their own needs and wants, they embody many traits common to a growth mindset.
A growth mindset is one in which a person embraces experiences as an opportunity to learn, is willing to accept challenges despite the risk of failure, and often views others’ success as a source of inspiration.
My daughter told me she saw her bus experience as an opportunity to learn. She took the risk of sitting next to someone new and starting a conversation, aware that she could be turned down or asked to move. She was happy her seatmate was willing to trust her, especially in light of the exclusionary treatment she had experienced from other classmates.
Adults are often apprehensive when entering uncomfortable conversations too. Could my colleague assume bad intentions if I ask them the wrong question? Will I be able to understand my client’s perspective? Can I remain open-minded if their experience and perspective vastly differ from mine?
Many lawyers are risk averse, but they also value a return on investment. And, according to research, adopting a growth mindset can lead to significant positive outcomes, like increased motivation, performance, and business development opportunities and reduced burnout, anxiety, and depression.
Jay Harrington wrote in an Attorney at Work article that a key to succeeding in business development is learning to “enjoy the process itself,” including its challenges and rejections.
Embrace Your Childhood Tendencies
Creating an inclusive environment in our workplaces does not happen by chance. The next time you have the opportunity, embrace the childhood traits of openness and authenticity to learn about different experiences and perspectives.
Takeaways for Approaching Inclusion in the Legal Profession
- Cultivate genuine curiosity when interacting with clients and colleagues from different backgrounds. Like children, approach differences with an open and inquisitive mindset. Asking thoughtful questions can lead to deeper connections, a better understanding of client needs, and more rewarding professional relationships.
- Develop cultural competence to provide more effective legal representation. Ask respectful questions to understand clients’ preferences and needs related to their culture. This can help with building trust and serving a more diverse client base.
- Adopt a growth mindset. View challenging interactions as opportunities to learn rather than risks of failure. A growth mindset can increase motivation, improve performance, and reduce burnout.
This article is adapted from an article that appeared on the 2Civility.org website.
