We like to believe that if we do everything well, our clients will always love us, but it’s just not true. Here are 10 steps to soothe an angry client.
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You know the scenario. It’s the end of the day. The phone rings, and you know you should just let it go to voicemail, pack up your laptop, and go home. But you answer and hear:
“What the bleep is this?”
It’s your angry client. The one for whom you’ve worked like a dog, around the clock, for the past two weeks. It seems this month’s bill has arrived, and he’s in flames!
Now what? First, take a beat, and breathe. Then try NOT to:
- Argue with him about it.
- Tell him it is someone else’s fault.
- Ask him to call you back tomorrow.
- Hang up on him.
Sometimes your lawyer training works exactly against you when you are confronted by a client. (Or your spouse, your assistant, a delivery driver, a pharmacist.) These are not situations to be won or lost. You can claim success when you calm the client and neutralize the conflict.
What Do You Want When You’re the Angry Client?
So, after taking that breath, ask yourself what the client wants. You’ve been angry about a service provider’s performance before. You’ve seethed over a perceived slight. What did you want? It’s one or more things from a fairly standard list:
- To be listened to.
- To be treated with respect.
- To be taken seriously.
- An immediate response.
- To make sure it doesn’t happen again.
- To avoid blame from someone else in your organization.
How to Respond, Calmly, to an Angry Client
Research has shown that first impressions are 55% visual cues (body language), 38% vocal (tone of voice), and only 7% verbal (words). One expert estimates that the percentages shift significantly when you communicate over the phone, to 82% vocal and 18% verbal.
So when you respond to your client, it is critical to modulate your voice to communicate concern, patience and caring. And choose your words to convey that you are informed and respectful. It is an old but proven speaker’s trick to deepen your voice a bit. Lower voices are perceived as being more mature and in control.
Nearly everyone has an inner child who shows up when we’re angry. Anyone who has parented a toddler knows that rule one is to remain calm. People feel out of control and a little unsafe when in mid-tantrum. If you can maintain your calm, control the situation, and guide both of you to a good solution, your client will relax.
What Should You Say?
Here are the basic steps to take when calming down an angry client:
- Express empathy (e.g., I can tell how upset it made you).
- Get clarification of the problem (ask gentle fact-finding questions).
- Apologize (even if you are not in the wrong).
- State that you want to help.
- Probe for more information.
- Repeat the client’s concern back to him to make sure you understand (and so that they feel “heard.”)
- Show you value him as a client.
- Explain possible options for resolution and ask what they’d like to have happen.
- Summarize the actions you agree to (yours and the client’s).
- End pleasantly.
If you have kept your head and reached an agreement about resolving the issue, then congratulations. You win!
FAQ: Handling Upset Law Firm Clients
When a client is shouting, remember that you are a legal professional, not a punching bag. You need to set an immediate boundary without getting defensive or raising your own voice. Try these scripts to pause the chaos:
“I know you are incredibly stressed right now, but I need you to lower your voice so I can actually get the details and help you fix this.”
“This isn’t getting us anywhere right now. Let’s hit pause. I’m going to pull your file, look over the details, and call you back in exactly one hour when we can both focus on solutions.”
Because to you it’s routine, but to them, it’s their life, their money, their business, or their family on the line. When clients face the opaque, slow-moving legal system, a lack of immediate clarity breeds massive anxiety. That vulnerability doesn’t always look like fear—frequently, it manifests as anger, a defensive outburst, or a panicked call because they assume nothing is happening behind the scenes.
Own it completely, apologize genuinely, and pivot instantly to how you’re fixing it. Do not pass the buck to an assistant, a junior associate, or a tech glitch. Try saying: “You are absolutely right. We should have had that scheduling update over to you yesterday, and I apologize for the oversight. Here is exactly what I am doing right now to get us back on track…” Clients respect accountability far more than a defensive excuse.
If a client boils over during a deposition, it’s usually because they feel cornered and want to defend themselves. Don’t let the wheels fall off. Immediately ask the court reporter for a brief recess so you can get your client out of the room. Privately reassure them that their day to tell their full story will come—whether in a settlement brief or at trial—but remind them that right now, their only job is to answer the specific questions asked, calmly and precisely.
You deserve a safe, respectful, and functional working environment. While we all give clients a little grace during high-stress moments, it is time to check your state’s rules on withdrawal if they cross these lines:
They are continuously verbally abusive or hurl personal insults at you or your staff.
They threaten you, your team, or your firm.
They flatly refuse to cooperate or follow your legal advice, making it impossible to represent them effectively.
They persistently refuse to handle their bills, even after you’ve offered a structured review or clear payment options.
Image © istockphoto.com.
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